Oblitus sum perpolire clepsydras! - I forgot to polish the clocks!

If you are a dreamer, come in.

If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,

a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer,

If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire,

for we have some flax-golden tales to spin.

Come in! Come in!

- Shel Silverstein

What's Crackerlakin’ dudes?

Long time, no insanely boring update – I know, I know. I’ve just been busy... oh all right, replace busy with lazy.

I haven’t implemented my “taking a break from matchmaking” thing, you just seem to be dishing out problems faster than Jose can guzzle down her apple juice (which is bloody fast), still some of the issues people have been coming up with have been whoppers and I’ve had to deal with two break-ups in the last few days. Note: Having the love of your life break up with you and say, “we can still be friends” is like your dog dying and your mom saying, “You can still keep it.”

A.K.A do not use that lame break-up line, originality would be appreciated and not sitting there like and android staring staunchly ahead would help too. Oh and carry a packet of tissues with you. Hah, I should write a book on this: Break up with your significant partner now! Sunita’s guide to breaking-up includes ‘the seven steps to being single’ and ‘knowing when to make a run for it.’

Did you notice the ‘bloody’ is slipped in their earlier, just to highlight my Englishness? (Wow, that’s actually a word...), well I would like to take this opportunity to inform you that not everyone from England sticks the word ‘love’ at the end of each and every sentence, differing from what many of my new acquaintances believe.

Azeem brought up a very good point in one of our MSN conversations – why is it that Aliens and Monsters always seem to choose America to invade? I mean, according to the UN there are 196 countries in the world and out of them America always seems to save the day.

Meet me in outer space. So we can Star Trek the galaxies...

Is there such thing as Green Eggs and Ham? Forget Disney, its Dr. Seuss who’s given me unrealistic expectations but he’s awesome so I forgive him. I would be such a prejudice judge I swear – ‘nice haircut, you’re granted bail’ or ‘your nose is too flat, nine years in Prison buddy.’ Ah, the justice system. On whim, I’ve decided that I’d quite like to jump out of my seat in the middle of a mind-numbingly boring lecture, slam my fist on my desk, point dramatically at the teacher and declare, ‘no you’re out of order!’ before turning and legging it out of there in all due haste. I saw someone do that in a movie once I think; only he was in a courtroom and he didn’t run away like I would afterwards. It was epic.

You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed.

.I have come to the conclusion that 25% of the people in interact with suffer from autovoxiphillia.

Latine dictum, sit altum videtur - what's said in latin always seems so much more interesting.

"I'm not afraid to fall nor am I ashamed to stumble because I never wanted to be beautiful and I never pretended to be."

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." E.L. Doctorow.

I think I have finally combated my writers block! I’m working on three brand new story ideas and out of them I’ll select one. Plus I think I’ll make this one public to all you guys (on the condition that you never criticise my work and gush continuously about how amazing I am, naturally.) Let me see how it works out okay?

Topic of conversation for today: How effective is a one-eyed assassin?I mean, really? Wouldn't their depth perception be off? Bullets would never hit their targets and they'd constantly misjudge distances in a fight. Maybe they could train themselves to deal with these things, but it would take a long time and even then it would still be an imperfect art.

Hmm... I need coffee; I have too much blood in my caffeine system. Why is it that most people are under the impression that because I was born and brought up in Britain I am automatically a tea lover? Anyone who voices that assumption in my presence shall henceforth be rewarded with a sharp whack on the head.

They say the day you become a teenager is the day you realise your parents aren’t always right and don’t have all the answers. They say the day you become an adult is the day you accept it.

I’m so far off adulthood it’s almost laughable.

Things My Mother Taught Me:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION." You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL."If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC."Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE." One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

I like ferrets. They’re like what would happen if a mad scientist gave socks brains. Being a mad scientist was one of my career options but I don’t really have the funky crazy hairstyle to pull it off.

Would you invest in this company?

Sangeeta and I are talking on MSN:
Sangeeta: why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Hmm... I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Sangeeta: uh, never mind.

(This is so me.)

Later people!

Gustatus similis pullus - tastes like chicken.

Moi:

I’ve run into a door.
I’ve tripped up stairs.
I’ve walked into a lamp-post.
I’ve threatened a video game console.
I’ve forgotten something really important but thought of something incredibly stupid at the same time.
(While sober) I’ve tripped over my own feet.
I’ve worn my left and right shoes on the wrong feet.
I’ve burst out laughing in a quiet room for no reason at all.
I had a ten minute conversation with a highly intelligent spoon once.
I’ve burst into song in a public place.

And you know something? I’m proud of it.

Don’t tell me the sky is the limit

when there are footsteps

on the moon.

Hmm... I have this incredibly childish and somewhat whimsical conviction, which I like to voice to random people, that the moon is made of cheese.

Wouldn’t that be awesome? Yes.

Why? Because cheese is awesome.

My logic – If you can’t convince people, than confuse ‘em.

Sourire!

So this person waves to me yesterday, then he comes up to me and says ‘oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else,’ and I go ‘I am.’

I’m in the most peculiar mood right now, the type where I am liable to blurt out a random stream of nonsense before lapsing into silence while everyone stares at me utterly confused.

Apart from three friends I am simply not managing anyone else’s love lives for the next week and a half or so. So that means no more chaperoning, passing on messages or anything of that effect. Sorry but I’m just swamped right now and I have some personal stuff of my own to figure out.

“Nobody said life would be fair, they just said it would be worth it.”

Stercus tauri - bullshit.

Teachers' day was a blast but I was absolutely shattered from it, my body was not designed to function, much less report to school, at 7:30 in the morning. The play that we put on, the one which I was frantically typing the script for the evening before, was a success! All the actors (and actresses) were pretty amazing amazing seeing as we hadn’t even properly rehearsed the whole thing. I’ve spent two hours or so catching up on my much needed beauty sleep upon my return and the rest of the time correcting speeches for the whole election thing going on in RIMS on monday, making a pass-the-parcel for my brother’s birthday which happens to be tomorrow and loafing around the house.

Confession of a word addict: I love the words 'oxymoron,' 'conundrum' and 'floozy.'

...because they sound so awesomely weird.

This made me laugh:

Zombies’ invasions are silly and if someone mentions to me that the world might possibly end by a zombie epidemic, again, then I shall probably be unable to refrain from hitting them. Yes, Draven, that was directed towards you.

Cara called me up just now and told me of her great pigeon escapade so this is in her honour:

Over at my friend’s house, the proverbial shit has hit the proverbial fan. Her mother seems to have declared war on her new sister-in-law who is living with them. Note to self: If I ever wish to get married try to find a husband whose in-laws are either incredibly kind to a fault or deceased.

Yes, I say if, because right now I sort of view marriage as the last legal form of slavery.

But enough about my matrimonial views, so I've realised just how many of my friend's haven't read the 7th Harry Potter book and have given up on the series altogether. READ IT PEOPLE! It's an epic novel:

Anyway, I’m going to go and lounge in front of the idiot box and plan world domination using penguins with insanely cute bobble hats or something to that effect,

bye!

In dentibus acticis frustrum magnum spinaciae habes - you have a large piece of spinach between your teeth.

How did it get so late so soon?

It's night before its afternoon.

December is here before its June.

My goodness how the time has flown.

How did it get so late so soon?

-Dr. Seuss

So, I’ve been ill these past few days and as a result I’ve been stuck at home. Let me reassure you, it wasn’t swine flu - Pia and I did ponder on the merits of me being the first to contract a new disease which we, in a stunning display of our creative skills, dubbed ‘Snail Flu’ or ‘Ita-ness.’ – However after due consideration the verdict was that I had simply suffered from the common cold and all my dreams of sneezing my way to stardom were shattered.

I’ve been very inactive lately, I’ve managed to munch my way through several novels but even that gets tiresome after a while, online conversations are not really wholly satisfying and I’ve completely lost my will to write anything which actually makes sense (or, perhaps, I never possessed it in the first place.) In hopes of finding a suitable hobby I considered gardening, stamp collecting and painting, the first two former ideas were hurriedly dismissed and the final one, although entertained briefly for about fifteen minutes was likewise discarded.

Which begs the question, what do people who are not avid readers or spend long periods of time online immersed in their virtual lives do with their free time? Perhaps some, who are extremely extroverted, spend all their time interacting with others but personally I cannot fathom it. I suppose one cannot rule out sports but I know many people who participate in none of these (well, they do talk to others of course, but not constantly) so what on earth do they do?

Mental Note: Ask said people how they pass their time.

I’m feeling very random today...

You are haunted by the Ghost of Christmas Past, though it is only September.

Don’t ask me why I just typed that, I probably won’t be able to give you a coherent answer.

I’ve got a whole load of stuff which needs to be done but, as a wise man once said “why do it today when you can put it off until tomorrow.” Okay, well he didn’t exactly say that, I just modified it a little bit to suit my argument.

I do that often.

After conversing with a number of individuals I have decided that society’s reality is completely farce and I shall hence forth substitute it with my own. From this day onwards pigs can fly!

Au revoir!

Vita luna - crazy life

So I haven’t updated as frequently as I was before but frankly this blog was born out of the boredom my unexpected holidays due to swine flu had inflicted upon me which I have since been cured of after returning to school life.

As an alternative excuse, I also seem to be procrastinating everything nowadays. It’s become a bad habit so to speak, not that I’m the only one; I’ve managed to influence several others. Ah yes, we procrastinators will unite... Tomorrow.

Though I am not a singer and I cannot play any instruments (granted I did take piano lessons four years ago but I can hardly recollect any of what I learned now), nor do I know of any people who really have such qualifications I think I might start up a band, perhaps I shall call it “Persephone’s descent” or “the Falling Toaster”. It may possibly involve a tuba or harpsichord. It will do well.

An idle thought – I have many of them.

I’ve been bombarded with phone calls requesting my advice (mainly because they have no one else to turn to); of course I try my best to help them out like the wonderful person I am although I can never resist throwing in the odd sarcastic comment or two.

My writers block – did I mention that previously? – has been deemed currently incurable and I’m absolutely dying because of it but I just can’t seem to focus and everything I force myself to scribble down is a bunch of ideas mashed together with absolutely no flow whatsoever. Days just seem to merge into one and everything feels like a ticking time bomb.

Whoops, sorry, bad analogy.

My brother’s birthday is looming on the horizon as is his party, I’m involved with a series of incredibly tangled love lives, and we had a bunch of surprise tests this week so basically my life is same-o same-o.

These are ridiculously awesome.

- Ta-ta for now!

De omnibus dubitandum - everything should be questioned.

Since the creation of AIM, MSN Messenger, Yahoo Messenger, Unichat, etc., or whichever one of these wonderfully programmed means of communication via the Internet (which was then followed by the remaining programs mentioned, which somehow attracted users despite being identical to every other Messenger Service, simply with added features -- ooh, little poppy-uppy thingies that tell you when a friend signs on! Not that you couldn't hear the ear-pleasing door-creaking sound and not that you weren't perfectly capable of looking at the buddy list! Oh no, thank heavens the creators installed that brilliant feature -- but that is another story), a single entity -- no, I shall not acknowledge that being as human, for it has brought unspeakable doom upon us all -- has seemingly lost all traces of logic whatsoever, setting the trend for millions to come.

Oh, I cannot bear to name the horror this entity has maniacally created. It must be looking up at us right now, cackling with sinister delight.

Where does it live? What's that you say? Hell? What is this Hell you speak of?

That, my dearest friend, is a very poor joke indeed. For this bane lives on. It lives, thriving, in the forms of its followers. It is dangerous, yes indeed. It eats the pie from your windowsill, it steals the lead from your pencils, it steals babies in the night and devours them, it puts jell-o in your drinking water, etc. It is at fault for every occurrence imaginable. It will never die until the ignorance of mankind is banished from existence (ie, never).

The truth of the matter is, it lives in a much more dangerous, wicked place than mere Hell.

This fiendish, mortifying, indescribable terror is simply pure ignorance.
And it comes in the form of (in increasing order of scariness):
Pink font, excessive emoticons, "AIM Lingo", the question "sup" and all other forms of it, "337", misspellings of a word designed to look "kyoot", and sticky caps.

I may have missed several other evils of the online world. Sue me.

These terrifying forms of pure, malignant evil were born in the midst of the war for the world of Messenger.

Once, long ago, an AOL mastermind declared, "Let us make beautiful new options of colours for the people of AOL Instant Messenger," because, of course, the kindly and thoughtful rulers of the land of AOL wished to have more and more users, and eventually take over the world. And thus, annoying little girls with pink font over pink highlights that no one could possibly read were born. These cunning witches of pink have forsaken the normal colour spectrum. No, no, they were too beautiful, too perfect, too high and mighty for something as lowly as black, or blue, or even orange. These girls have set out on a quest to burn the retinas of everyone they converse with, with blinding electric pink fonts set on hot pink backgrounds, which they assure are entirely different shades of pink. Yet all who encounter them are instantly incapacitated by the shuddering beastly colour. No -- there was a time when pink was normal, when it was beautiful. But it was not to be. The little girls of pink font had ravaged the good name of pink forever.

Soon after the wonderful creation of colourful fonts, a tactician of MSN gasped, "Oh no, this won't do at all, however are we going to compete with those beautiful colours?" He thought, and thought and thought some more, because obviously the rulers of MSN were incapable of thinking, when the tactician declared, "Let us make beautiful, touching icons of emotions for the people of MSN Messenger," which were then rightfully dubbed "emoticons" by the Queen of MSN. And so the people rejoiced, conversing only with yellow, disproportional faces. Whole conversations would consist of only: ":-'( :-( :-/ :- :-\ :-) :-D." Yes, it was a grand idea indeed, to display emotions for those illiterate ones who could not adequately do so in words. And so, the Smiley People were born, never typing a word in their lives. Perhaps this grand idea once might have been considered good and holy, but alas, the goodness of emoticons has been long worn out by the Smiley People.

Unfortunately for the Queen of MSN Messenger and her people, AOL won the people of Messenger, and ruled Messenger for all eternity (even though we all know that MSN AIM). No one knows why, exactly. Urine-colour smiley faces were much more in favour by the people than forty-eight colours (half of them ugly, at that), but perhaps the fact was that MSN had foolishly forgotten the "Instant" that AOL slyly slipped into their name, thereby making the people believe MSN was not really an Instant Messenger and was actually an email service -- which it is, but the people got mighty confused by all that. All the other lands of Messenger were crap, and didn't really deserve to be mentioned anyways.

Now that AOL had won the battle over Messenger and enslaved all its people, the rulers had no further motivation to create new features that actually interested the people. In this way, the peoples' hands were forced, and they had to create features of their own.

Sadly, the people were equally as lacking in the creativity department as both AOL and MSN, and began to degenerate language itself in the form of "AIM Lingo" to satisfy their creating urges. "AIM Lingo" began to replace proper language, dragging English into the dregs of oblivion. It had a humble beginning with innocent abbreviations that aided all of Messenger -- handy little acronyms like "brb" or "g2g". All the people of Messenger loved those two acronyms and their creators (although those creators' names are forgotten in this day and age), and soon began to greedily desire the fame and fortune that came with inventing acronyms and shortcuts. The first few were successful, such as "lol" and "ttyl." Yet all of these inventions seemed to have made language difficult to understand at all, bringing into existence not-quite-sentences such as these: "i h8 skool u no?" Of course, not-quite-sentences such as these began to bring confusion upon the heads of many in the fair land of AOL Instant Messenger. Could "u no" mean you know, or could it possibly mean you don't? No one shall ever know. These not-quite-sentences began to usurp the roles of intelligent sentences, and from there, the language of AIM spiralled faster into its own downfall.

An old fashioned "Hello" as a greeting slowly descended into a usefully shorter version, "Hey," and from there into an even shorter version, "Hi." Another commonly used phrase, "What is happening?" shortened to "What is up?", a much cooler form. This then changed into "What's up?", a MUCH cooler form of "What is up?" and also conveniently shorter by one letter/symbol, which then branched off into variances of coolness: "Sup?", "Wazzup?", "Watsup?", "Wats^?", "Wassup?", and so on. Somehow, sup and hi's meanings merged together, and now people greet others with "Sup?" Yet, strangely enough, no one could invent an answer to this strange question, because, obviously someone needed to answer this greeting that was in the shape of a question. Thus, the acronym "nm" was created to satisfy answering the question. So, when asked "Sup?", the correct answer is "nm" no matter if something is happening or not. In fact, "nm" replaced "hi" as a reply greeting, therefore you should always greet people with "nm." The people of Messenger found the question of "Sup?" to be overall, annoying and pointless, yet cool to an extreme. So people continue using it to this very day, annoying the hell out of both parties of a conversation when the only appropriate answer is "nm." So, in this way, "What is happening?"'s meaning has vanished completely from the face of Messenger, and no one could ever know what was happening ever again.

In the world of Messenger, there has always been a rebellious sect of Hackers, notable for infiltrating the ruling class of Messenger and damaging the system of Instant Messaging. Many believe "337" to have evolved from the Hackers, a language of numbers and symbols. To the peoples' dismay, a young loser one day proclaimed, "All young losers, this day henceforth, shall speak in 337 because we have nothing better to do with our time!" "P343 0U7" is an example of the horrors these young losers can accomplish in their free time, slaughtering the words "Peace out" into a waste of five minutes. And so, young losers wielding the "337" led, still further, the plunging decline of English into ‘AIMness.’

Eventually, the girls of pinkness began to bore with pink -- no, they could never entirely bore of pink, to the peoples' disappointment -- and decided to flaunt and flourish their girliness in a different way. How, they wondered, could this be achieved? One day, the lead girl of pinkness was trying to type maybe, yet was so horribly uneducated that she typed instead, "mabii." All the girls of pinkness cooed in delight at this new discovery of cuteness, and began to misspell every word in the English language in order to look cute. Along with horrible misspellings, symbols galore entered the world of Messenger. They were always there, of course, but no one really explored the use of symbols until then. The tilde, ~, the asterick, *, and the carrot, ^, were the lead contenders of the symbols. Soon, writing became: " +~+~+bubble tea is sexxi`licious+~+~+," to name one of the less severe cases of misspelling, yet more severe case of symbols. The girls of pinkness lost all traces of intelligence in this last act and have left the English-speaking world forever to much of Messenger's delight. Unfortunately, the girls of pinkness continue to whisper strings of nonsense into innocent victim's ears, leaving no one at peace. No one was safe against their foul, illegible words.

Oh, but no, the girls of pinkness returned again, bringing forth another "feature," sticky caps, as they called it. The Queen of Pinkness announced to the world of Messenger, "In the world of Messenger, under the rule of AOL, we must now in order to be accepted, randomly make letters capital! inserts evil laughter here" The people of Messenger were horrified. No, no, it was not just. It was cruel and unusual, to force people to randomly capitalize letters. But indeed they did, casting away the laws of grammar to satisfy the girls' wickedness. "nO!" the people cried, "tHis iS hOrRiBle!!**" And so the girls of pinkness usurped the power of the rulers of AOL, reigning the world with fear and strength.

To this day, the people are enslaved, forced to read the ugly, unholy words of many: the girls of pinkness first and foremost, the Smiley People, the AIM Lingo Speakers, the word "Sup?” the young losers, and AOL.

This is the tale of the unspeakable evil that has plagued us all for years in the world of Messenger. It continues to plague us with pure idiocy, something we cannot stand for.

Yet, what is the motive for this? Why would people go out of their way to type something insanely long and illegible, other than for being morons? Surely not everyone could be a moron?

That, my friends, is my question to you.