Oblitus sum perpolire clepsydras! - I forgot to polish the clocks!

If you are a dreamer, come in.

If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,

a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer,

If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire,

for we have some flax-golden tales to spin.

Come in! Come in!

- Shel Silverstein

What's Crackerlakin’ dudes?

Long time, no insanely boring update – I know, I know. I’ve just been busy... oh all right, replace busy with lazy.

I haven’t implemented my “taking a break from matchmaking” thing, you just seem to be dishing out problems faster than Jose can guzzle down her apple juice (which is bloody fast), still some of the issues people have been coming up with have been whoppers and I’ve had to deal with two break-ups in the last few days. Note: Having the love of your life break up with you and say, “we can still be friends” is like your dog dying and your mom saying, “You can still keep it.”

A.K.A do not use that lame break-up line, originality would be appreciated and not sitting there like and android staring staunchly ahead would help too. Oh and carry a packet of tissues with you. Hah, I should write a book on this: Break up with your significant partner now! Sunita’s guide to breaking-up includes ‘the seven steps to being single’ and ‘knowing when to make a run for it.’

Did you notice the ‘bloody’ is slipped in their earlier, just to highlight my Englishness? (Wow, that’s actually a word...), well I would like to take this opportunity to inform you that not everyone from England sticks the word ‘love’ at the end of each and every sentence, differing from what many of my new acquaintances believe.

Azeem brought up a very good point in one of our MSN conversations – why is it that Aliens and Monsters always seem to choose America to invade? I mean, according to the UN there are 196 countries in the world and out of them America always seems to save the day.

Meet me in outer space. So we can Star Trek the galaxies...

Is there such thing as Green Eggs and Ham? Forget Disney, its Dr. Seuss who’s given me unrealistic expectations but he’s awesome so I forgive him. I would be such a prejudice judge I swear – ‘nice haircut, you’re granted bail’ or ‘your nose is too flat, nine years in Prison buddy.’ Ah, the justice system. On whim, I’ve decided that I’d quite like to jump out of my seat in the middle of a mind-numbingly boring lecture, slam my fist on my desk, point dramatically at the teacher and declare, ‘no you’re out of order!’ before turning and legging it out of there in all due haste. I saw someone do that in a movie once I think; only he was in a courtroom and he didn’t run away like I would afterwards. It was epic.

You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed.

.I have come to the conclusion that 25% of the people in interact with suffer from autovoxiphillia.

Latine dictum, sit altum videtur - what's said in latin always seems so much more interesting.

"I'm not afraid to fall nor am I ashamed to stumble because I never wanted to be beautiful and I never pretended to be."

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." E.L. Doctorow.

I think I have finally combated my writers block! I’m working on three brand new story ideas and out of them I’ll select one. Plus I think I’ll make this one public to all you guys (on the condition that you never criticise my work and gush continuously about how amazing I am, naturally.) Let me see how it works out okay?

Topic of conversation for today: How effective is a one-eyed assassin?I mean, really? Wouldn't their depth perception be off? Bullets would never hit their targets and they'd constantly misjudge distances in a fight. Maybe they could train themselves to deal with these things, but it would take a long time and even then it would still be an imperfect art.

Hmm... I need coffee; I have too much blood in my caffeine system. Why is it that most people are under the impression that because I was born and brought up in Britain I am automatically a tea lover? Anyone who voices that assumption in my presence shall henceforth be rewarded with a sharp whack on the head.

They say the day you become a teenager is the day you realise your parents aren’t always right and don’t have all the answers. They say the day you become an adult is the day you accept it.

I’m so far off adulthood it’s almost laughable.

Things My Mother Taught Me:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION." You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL."If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC."Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE." One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

I like ferrets. They’re like what would happen if a mad scientist gave socks brains. Being a mad scientist was one of my career options but I don’t really have the funky crazy hairstyle to pull it off.

Would you invest in this company?

Sangeeta and I are talking on MSN:
Sangeeta: why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Hmm... I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Sangeeta: uh, never mind.

(This is so me.)

Later people!

Gustatus similis pullus - tastes like chicken.

Moi:

I’ve run into a door.
I’ve tripped up stairs.
I’ve walked into a lamp-post.
I’ve threatened a video game console.
I’ve forgotten something really important but thought of something incredibly stupid at the same time.
(While sober) I’ve tripped over my own feet.
I’ve worn my left and right shoes on the wrong feet.
I’ve burst out laughing in a quiet room for no reason at all.
I had a ten minute conversation with a highly intelligent spoon once.
I’ve burst into song in a public place.

And you know something? I’m proud of it.

Don’t tell me the sky is the limit

when there are footsteps

on the moon.

Hmm... I have this incredibly childish and somewhat whimsical conviction, which I like to voice to random people, that the moon is made of cheese.

Wouldn’t that be awesome? Yes.

Why? Because cheese is awesome.

My logic – If you can’t convince people, than confuse ‘em.

Sourire!

So this person waves to me yesterday, then he comes up to me and says ‘oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else,’ and I go ‘I am.’

I’m in the most peculiar mood right now, the type where I am liable to blurt out a random stream of nonsense before lapsing into silence while everyone stares at me utterly confused.

Apart from three friends I am simply not managing anyone else’s love lives for the next week and a half or so. So that means no more chaperoning, passing on messages or anything of that effect. Sorry but I’m just swamped right now and I have some personal stuff of my own to figure out.

“Nobody said life would be fair, they just said it would be worth it.”

Stercus tauri - bullshit.

Teachers' day was a blast but I was absolutely shattered from it, my body was not designed to function, much less report to school, at 7:30 in the morning. The play that we put on, the one which I was frantically typing the script for the evening before, was a success! All the actors (and actresses) were pretty amazing amazing seeing as we hadn’t even properly rehearsed the whole thing. I’ve spent two hours or so catching up on my much needed beauty sleep upon my return and the rest of the time correcting speeches for the whole election thing going on in RIMS on monday, making a pass-the-parcel for my brother’s birthday which happens to be tomorrow and loafing around the house.

Confession of a word addict: I love the words 'oxymoron,' 'conundrum' and 'floozy.'

...because they sound so awesomely weird.

This made me laugh:

Zombies’ invasions are silly and if someone mentions to me that the world might possibly end by a zombie epidemic, again, then I shall probably be unable to refrain from hitting them. Yes, Draven, that was directed towards you.

Cara called me up just now and told me of her great pigeon escapade so this is in her honour:

Over at my friend’s house, the proverbial shit has hit the proverbial fan. Her mother seems to have declared war on her new sister-in-law who is living with them. Note to self: If I ever wish to get married try to find a husband whose in-laws are either incredibly kind to a fault or deceased.

Yes, I say if, because right now I sort of view marriage as the last legal form of slavery.

But enough about my matrimonial views, so I've realised just how many of my friend's haven't read the 7th Harry Potter book and have given up on the series altogether. READ IT PEOPLE! It's an epic novel:

Anyway, I’m going to go and lounge in front of the idiot box and plan world domination using penguins with insanely cute bobble hats or something to that effect,

bye!

In dentibus acticis frustrum magnum spinaciae habes - you have a large piece of spinach between your teeth.

How did it get so late so soon?

It's night before its afternoon.

December is here before its June.

My goodness how the time has flown.

How did it get so late so soon?

-Dr. Seuss

So, I’ve been ill these past few days and as a result I’ve been stuck at home. Let me reassure you, it wasn’t swine flu - Pia and I did ponder on the merits of me being the first to contract a new disease which we, in a stunning display of our creative skills, dubbed ‘Snail Flu’ or ‘Ita-ness.’ – However after due consideration the verdict was that I had simply suffered from the common cold and all my dreams of sneezing my way to stardom were shattered.

I’ve been very inactive lately, I’ve managed to munch my way through several novels but even that gets tiresome after a while, online conversations are not really wholly satisfying and I’ve completely lost my will to write anything which actually makes sense (or, perhaps, I never possessed it in the first place.) In hopes of finding a suitable hobby I considered gardening, stamp collecting and painting, the first two former ideas were hurriedly dismissed and the final one, although entertained briefly for about fifteen minutes was likewise discarded.

Which begs the question, what do people who are not avid readers or spend long periods of time online immersed in their virtual lives do with their free time? Perhaps some, who are extremely extroverted, spend all their time interacting with others but personally I cannot fathom it. I suppose one cannot rule out sports but I know many people who participate in none of these (well, they do talk to others of course, but not constantly) so what on earth do they do?

Mental Note: Ask said people how they pass their time.

I’m feeling very random today...

You are haunted by the Ghost of Christmas Past, though it is only September.

Don’t ask me why I just typed that, I probably won’t be able to give you a coherent answer.

I’ve got a whole load of stuff which needs to be done but, as a wise man once said “why do it today when you can put it off until tomorrow.” Okay, well he didn’t exactly say that, I just modified it a little bit to suit my argument.

I do that often.

After conversing with a number of individuals I have decided that society’s reality is completely farce and I shall hence forth substitute it with my own. From this day onwards pigs can fly!

Au revoir!